Annual Townsman Quiz

This opinion piece appeared in the Townsman, January 15 edition
This blog will be updated January 29

It's now time for the Annual Townsman Quiz. The respondent who correctly answers the following questions will receive membership on the Woodstock Ethics Board, although a prize of less certainty is not known to exist. Ready for fun? Here we go!

1) How long before the Woodstock town board adopts a resolution pertaining to world or national issues not in their purview, for instance a resolution calling upon President Obama to withdraw our troops from Afghanistan or calling upon Israel to stop defending herself?
a)When Ed Sanders says it's time.
b)Three months before the local Democratic caucus.
c)Two months before the local Democratic caucus.
d)One month before the local Democratic caucus.

2) After more than three years of deliberation, when will councilman Chris Collins present a proposed comprehensive plan?
a)He won't; the evil town supervisor will fire bomb his house first.
b)Three months before the local Democratic caucus.
c)Two months before the local Democratic caucus.
d)One month before the local Democratic caucus.

3) Councilwoman Liz Simonson will finish entering the Town's energy consumption data into the Clean Air and Climate Protection (CACP) software provided her last spring
a)When hell freezes over.
b)Three months before the local Democratic caucus.
c)Two months before the local Democratic caucus.
d)One month before the local Democratic caucus.

BONUS QUESTION:
The press will report Councilwoman Liz Simonson's completion of entering the Town's energy consumption data into the Clean Air and Climate Protection (CACP) software provided her last spring in a
a)10 point headline.
b)20 point headline.
c)40 point headline.
d)60 point headline.

4) Councilman Jay Wenk will stand up during the pledge of allegiance when
a)The Karmapa apologizes for KTD, levels the monastery and renovates the Meads Mountain House into a state-of-the-art Wenk Museum and Archive.
b)President Obama declares Jay Wenk's birthday a national holiday.
c)Congress admits Wenk as the fifty-first state.
d)He can.

5) Watching councilwoman Terrie Rosenblum on the town board is like watching someone
a)Shovel **** against the wind.
b)Spit against the wind.
c)Blowing in the wind.
d)On a long and winding road.

6) Supervisor Jeff Moran will see his proposal to examine the feasibility of using the Elna-Ferrite building for municipal offices when
a)Hell freezes over.
b)Simonson completes entering the Town's energy consumption data into the Clean Air and Climate Protection (CACP) software provided her last spring.
c)Congress admits Wenk as the fifty-first state.
d)**** happens.

7) In the coming year most town board meetings will end around
a)10:00 PM.
b)11:00 PM.
c)12:00 AM.
d)Zzzzzz.

8) A motion to adjourn a town board meeting means
a)It's time for three members to sneak in a resolution not on the agenda.
b)Trouble for ethics board members.
c)The sun is coming up.
d)All the above.

9) The proposed RUPCO affordable housing project behind Bradley Meadows will
a)Go up in flames.
b)Go down in flames.
c)Burn down the town.
d)Burn up the town.

10) Old buried fuel tanks in the aquifer area will be removed after
a)There is cell phone service in the western end of town.
e)Simonson completes entering the Town's energy consumption data into the Clean Air and Climate Protection (CACP) software.
b)Collins presents a proposed comprehensive plan.
c)The next ice age.

11) In the coming year the flashing red light on top of the three hundred foot tower on the top of Overlook Mountain will signify
a)A potential site for a cell phone antenna.
b)A violation of the zoning law.
c)Area 51 is relocated to Woodstock.
d)Jay Wenk's ego.

12) The Committee For Woodstock's Future will identify its officers
a)When David Lewis, Craig Barber and Jay Wenk realize they took money from a political entity not in compliance with New York State Election Law and insist on it.
b)One month after the next local Democratic caucus.
c)Two months after the next Democratic caucus
d)When there is cell service in the western end of town.

So that's it! Mail in your entry not forgetting to include your address. Winning contestants will be notified on April Fools Day.

ADDENDUM: I had reported last week that the Town switched its account from Bank of America (BOA) to TD North "pursuant to a complaint loudly publicized last month against Bank of America by Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich and echoed by councilwoman Liz Simonson. " Simonson did indeed at the December 16 meeting of the town board echo the governor's complaint that Bank of America was treating a local company unfairly, but according to a letter received from councilwoman Terrie Rosenblum, "the transfer of funds from BOA to TD North had nothing to do with Liz's objection to what BOA did to some company out west. Pam [the Town's bookkeeper] and I had been talking with TD North for many, many months before Liz's statement and the clincher for switching was that BOA was charging our employees who did not have a BOA account $8 to cash their paycheck."

Needless to say I owe the governor of Illinois an apology.