Wind and Gas

This opinion piece appeared in the Townsman, August 7 2008 edition

Gosh, still no word from councilman Jay Wenk to enlighten us on the mysterious "Committee For Woodstock's Future," the organization that to our belated knowledge dispersed $1000.00 each to Craig Barber and David Lewis for their losing campaigns last year for the Democratic nod for councilman and supervisor respectively, and $1000.00 to Jay Wenk's successful bid for councilman. If Jay is concerned that his campaign received funding from a political organization ignorant of New York State election law, then we can only assume he must be quietly, diligently searching his memory for whomever it was that gave him the check for $1000.00, and then contacting that person and strongly urging him or her to make the required filings with the Board of Elections. Jay is a man of great diligence, as witness his years long protest at military recruiting stations and his refusal to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. I am sure he has probably already contacted the Committee For Woodstock's Future to express the concern of the Committee For Jay Wenk's Integrity if they don't get cracking with the proper disclosures. You can call the Ulster County Board of Elections at 334 5434 and ask how Jay's efforts are paying off.

On a related topic, a local student of the national political scene, Stu Moore, contacted me with the following idea: off shore politicking. The idea is to take the enormous gasbags popping out of the earth every election cycle and process them off shore. You might wonder, gee, why not process the gas onshore? Answer: the smell. Moving the business off shore assumes, of course, that whales and porpoises and other mammals of the sea won't be nauseated by the vapors the same way humans are. But according to Stu Moore, and apparently most of the world's leaders, if whales and porpoises still haven't evolved into terrestrial beings along with 99.999% of the rest of us mammals, isn't it time to just give up on them? Are whales and porpoises really that important, especially now when we are in such need of gas and have this potentially unlimited supply? Another possible glitch to development of off shore politicking is a recent study indicating that political gas has about one thousandth the BTUs found in the same cubic meter of methane, and although capable of sparking heated debates it is still not able to fuel so much as a candle to shed light. Fortunately the brokerage firm, Bear-Sterns, has been resurrected to raise capital for the venture. These people are not stupid. After studying the results of the above-mentioned study their first endeavor in order to attract investors is to persuade politickers to speak out of the other orifice.

Texas billionaire T. Boone Pickens, who recently announced his multi-billion dollar investment in turbines to be powered by windbags, had no comment on the gasbag proposal.

The Committee For Woodstock's Future cannot be contacted for comment.

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The following is an appreciation. I promise not to name names. I see your names, often repeated in the various programs provided by Woodstock's various arts organizations. Yes, among the list of donors. Some of you have appeared on these lists for so many years that I just want to run up to you on the street and kiss you. I'm sure that the arts organizations that benefit from your generosity thank you. The rest of us should thank you even more. Centuries ago it was monarchs and the Medici's who supported art. In those days with the exception of public fountains and edifices the masses were mostly excluded from the enjoyment of art. But thanks to you, ye Donors, there is no one in our Town without an opportunity to see great painting, listen to great music, experience wonderful plays and/or attend the multitude of events, readings and exhibits that regularly gild our little polity. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Bad omen department. I lately made the acquaintance of a very talented young actor here for the summer as a cast member of a local production. He recently graduated with honors from Columbia University and will at the end of the summer head off to France and a year of teaching English. I asked him how he enjoyed visiting here. Oy! Mind you, he was quick to say the land is breathtakingly beautiful and most of the people very nice and interesting. But there is no nightlife for young people, there is no affordable housing (he's landed on a comfortable sofa provided by a hospitable supporter of the arts), there are indeed very few young people here, there is really not much to do. He thought I was putting him on when I told him Woodstock had once been a beacon of hipness and youth (I mean, this guy is young). I've come to that age that really appreciates conversation with the young; it's like chatting it up with someone from another planet, sooo interesting. I've also come to the realization that I live in a community more concerned with preserving wetlands than making it interesting or possible for youth to survive here. Just a note.